Simply Redeemed

I've wanted to post a new blog for some time now but it has taken a lot of time to work through all the Lord is teaching me. To work through all the decisions we have to make. It is also really hard to be productive in a hard season of physical pain and loss of dreams. The season is still hard and the working and wrestling is still being done, but I wanted to share with you all some of what the Lord has been teaching me in hopes that by God's grace it may help someone else. "Father, I want a baby" "Daddy, please rid me of this disease." Lord, give me just one day of comfort and relief from pain." These are the things I have been praying. EVERYDAY. More than once a day. I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done.   8  Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it a...

I understand why, after losing many loved ones and his faith still did not falter, satan wanted to attack Job's flesh. I understand why the enemy thought it would work when complete and utter heartache did not. It has been a year since my surgery and it has been the hardest year if my life. Chronic pain is discouraging. It is hard especially because people think since it has been a year and I look okay, that I am okay. Truth is, this pain has been harder on me than the pain I was in before surgery. My entire body hurts every second of every day. I'm exhausted. Completely exhausted. My future of birthing babies biologically has been shaken as well. Because of all of this, I have been throw into depression and anxiety and wanting to isolate myself. This is not like me at all. The simplest tasks like going to the store for milk or washing a dish completely overwhelm me. I want to be home all the time and not be around most people. Not once in my life have a felt this hopeless....

My heart desires things that the Lord is not ready to give me in this season. My heart has been struggling and this morning the Lord comforted me. I am reading through 2 Corinthians and Proverbs. Today I read chapter 1 of 2 Corinthians which talks about the suffering we will encounter but how we will ABUNDANTLY share in God's comfort! I went on from there to read Proverbs 19, where verse 21 really hit me like a ton of bricks. " Many are the plans of a mans heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails." SHOOT DANG. My heart has been envious of others who are experiencing the blessing of having babies. My heart has also been prideful in the sense that I feel entitled. As if the Lord is taking something away from me or withholding something from me. This is simply a lie and the Lord is gently correcting my hearts posture and my prayer in this season. My prayer is that instead of moping and being filled with self pity I may use it to mature in Christ, securing and growi...

It's been a little over 5 months since my surgery. I thought the surgery itself was going to be me getting out of the woods. But now, I feel I am still deep in the dark woods. My surgery changed my body. Chronic pain and disease have crushed my spirit and have made my thoughts a moment by moment battle. I can't be as active as I was even before surgery. Literally most days all but my forearms and hands hurt. Before surgery, I was very social. Now I want to do nothing. Literally nothing. Not even hang out with my closest friends. The thought of going into Wal-Mart for milk gives me severe anxiety. I can't be the friend or family member I want to be. I can't do the things I want to do. I should be studying for my alternative certification but I'm literally exhausted every second of the day and even getting out my study material gives me a full blown anxiety attack. I want to be a good mentor and light for Jesus, but I am so so tired. My heart feels crushed at the id...

An update on our week in Houston for all who want to know: Y'all, this week has been bittersweet. If I am honest, I am still processing it all and I am struggling a little bit. Lets be real, I am struggling a lot. Anyways, let me just tell you the whole journey. About a month ago, I was laying on the floor, literally sobbing and asking my Abba "why?" Every doctor we had talked to had either turned me away or told me there was nothing more they could do for me. We had gotten no answers since I got diagnosed in 2015. Cameron shared with our friend, Steve Murphy, the dead end we had hit and how hopeless we felt after a service about feeling helpless. Steve, being our family in Christ immediately wanted to help and connected us with another man in our church, Leeland. Leeland selflessly spent hours of his time to research and found us a doctor at M.D. Anderson in Houston. Although there was a waiting list to get into Dr. Slopis, we got an appointment the day we were ...

A year already? That is insane. Let me tell you a little bit about our first year. It has been pretty much a fairy tale in all honestly. We agree upon most things, laugh a lot and pick on each other a lot. Living with your best friend is absolutely the best thing ever! The Lord has had a lot of grace on us and has truly made our first year of marriage sweet and easy. Our hardships this year had nothing to do with us as a couple. The two hardest storms we have had to weather have been the disease in my body and our awful neighbors. Cameron has been so wonderful through this disease and has supported me, cried with me and rubbed my leg until I fall asleep. He is seriously the most servant hearted man I have ever met. We continue to pray for healing for me and health for our future children. Even more than that, we are praying that whatever comes, we glorify the name of our Father. We know that this disease is not FROM our Father but can be used FOR His glory. After almost a year of...

I Cannot Wait For That Day As the weather quickly changes from warm to cold And the leaves slowly change from green to gold The memories come back like a flood But i know this pain is not for good I know i will once again see your face,hear your voice And though my heart was shattered i would not take the other choice For you are happy and at home And have received your new name on that pretty white stone! I must admit im jealous of you Because i want to be there too But until that day  will do my best to make you proud And share my reason for the hope i have to all who are around It heals my heart to know I am here with yours And you are with mine And we will all be together when He says "Its time" Let me just say, I cannot wait until that day.