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I Desire to Know Jesus and be Like Him Above All. I Choose to Believe His Plans are Good.


My heart desires things that the Lord is not ready to give me in this season. My heart has been struggling and this morning the Lord comforted me. I am reading through 2 Corinthians and Proverbs. Today I read chapter 1 of 2 Corinthians which talks about the suffering we will encounter but how we will ABUNDANTLY share in God's comfort! I went on from there to read Proverbs 19, where verse 21 really hit me like a ton of bricks. " Many are the plans of a mans heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails." SHOOT DANG.

My heart has been envious of others who are experiencing the blessing of having babies. My heart has also been prideful in the sense that I feel entitled. As if the Lord is taking something away from me or withholding something from me. This is simply a lie and the Lord is gently correcting my hearts posture and my prayer in this season. My prayer is that instead of moping and being filled with self pity I may use it to mature in Christ, securing and growing my identity in Him. I am daily trying to trust and believe that child bearing is not something promised to me, therefore it is not being withheld or taken away. That if child bearing is not what Jesus has for me, whatever He does have for me is far better and will make me more like Him and let me know Him more deeply and intimately. Knowing Him and being like Him is to be desired above all else. I pray in this hard season I become more faithful to him and lean on him above all else, so that when that day I become a mother, in whatever way HE chooses, IN HIS TIMING, I may be the woman God wants me to be and the woman my future children deserve. I have seen before, and choose to believe always, that the plans of my own heart are NOTHING in comparison to the plans my loving Father has for me.

Although I belive this season is for my good and God makes all things beautiful, it is still a very hard season. For those of you who aren't aware of the situation I'll give you a small idea. My disease has a 50 percent chance of being passed on to children I have biologically. Then there is a risk of not knowing how bad it would be for them. Also, child bearing could be bad for my body and cause rapid tumor growth. Therefore we are in a season of prayer and trying to see what the Lord has for us in becoming parents. We also ask people be sensitive and not constantly ask us when we are having children.

I share this in hopes someone who sees it and is going through similar feelings may feel comforted in the fact that the Lord loves us and will bring us what we need in its season, ALL PRAISE BE TO HIM!

Prayers for us in this journey also appreciated. 💚

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