I've wanted to post a new blog for some time now but it has taken a lot of time to work through all the Lord is teaching me. To work through all the decisions we have to make. It is also really hard to be productive in a hard season of physical pain and loss of dreams. The season is still hard and the working and wrestling is still being done, but I wanted to share with you all some of what the Lord has been teaching me in hopes that by God's grace it may help someone else.
"Father, I want a baby"
"Daddy, please rid me of this disease."
Lord, give me just one day of comfort and relief from pain."
These are the things I have been praying. EVERYDAY. More than once a day.
I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.[c] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! Philippians 3:7-11
My prayers do not reflect this passage of scripture. Although those other things are not bad to pray for in and of itself, they have been my number 1 desire. I have been desiring motherhood above God. I have been desiring comfort instead of knowing God more. I have been desiring healing more than I desire becoming more like Christ. These things are all to be counted as garbage in comparison to gaining Christ.
So, if that means never becoming a mom biologically, I will become more like Him in His story of adoption or foster care. If I do not get healed on this sided of eternity and never get to feel the pleasure of not being in pain, I will get to know Christ deeper through suffering. My prayer is that HE is enough- that nothing else is needed. That my desires become ones that are His desires as well, and bring eternal glory rather than fulfilling my wants for my comfort and pleasure.
God has put in me a deep desire to be a mom. He has also, so graciously, given me the desire to love fragile and hurting children. He has called me to be a mother to the motherless. He has called me to the Gospel. We are still working through, praying through,and trying to becoming more knowledgeable about all the avenues to which we can become parents and we would love for as many of you as possible to join us in these prayers. Prayers for healing of broken hearts. Prayers that the Fathers will is done in our story.
I love you all and am so blessed by the body of Christ. To those of you who pray with me and for me. To those of you who open your life, even the darkest,hardest parts with me. To those who cry with me and for me. To those of you who serve me. I can't thank you enough for being Jesus in the flesh to me.
Grace and Peace
"Father, I want a baby"
"Daddy, please rid me of this disease."
Lord, give me just one day of comfort and relief from pain."
These are the things I have been praying. EVERYDAY. More than once a day.
I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done. 8 Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ 9 and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ.[c] For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. 10 I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death, 11 so that one way or another I will experience the resurrection from the dead! Philippians 3:7-11
My prayers do not reflect this passage of scripture. Although those other things are not bad to pray for in and of itself, they have been my number 1 desire. I have been desiring motherhood above God. I have been desiring comfort instead of knowing God more. I have been desiring healing more than I desire becoming more like Christ. These things are all to be counted as garbage in comparison to gaining Christ.
So, if that means never becoming a mom biologically, I will become more like Him in His story of adoption or foster care. If I do not get healed on this sided of eternity and never get to feel the pleasure of not being in pain, I will get to know Christ deeper through suffering. My prayer is that HE is enough- that nothing else is needed. That my desires become ones that are His desires as well, and bring eternal glory rather than fulfilling my wants for my comfort and pleasure.
God has put in me a deep desire to be a mom. He has also, so graciously, given me the desire to love fragile and hurting children. He has called me to be a mother to the motherless. He has called me to the Gospel. We are still working through, praying through,and trying to becoming more knowledgeable about all the avenues to which we can become parents and we would love for as many of you as possible to join us in these prayers. Prayers for healing of broken hearts. Prayers that the Fathers will is done in our story.
I love you all and am so blessed by the body of Christ. To those of you who pray with me and for me. To those of you who open your life, even the darkest,hardest parts with me. To those who cry with me and for me. To those of you who serve me. I can't thank you enough for being Jesus in the flesh to me.
Grace and Peace
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