Simply Redeemed

Exodus 4:10 But Moses pleaded with the LORD, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Sometimes we don't feel good enough to do what God has called us to do. And sometimes we use that as an excuse to get out of it because we give into fear. At least that's how it's been for me.  Initially when the Lord called me to start London Square Children’s Ministry my argument was, I'm not good at leading and organizing.  I can jump in and help someone else who is leading and organizing but I can't start up a Ministry and lead it. I'm not good at that. And although that is true, it's not my strong suit, He equipped me to do it. And much fruit came from it.  Then covid hit and I got pregnant.  A long season away from the Ministry for the safety of myself and my baby. But I think that safety from a virus turned into safety of my time and energy.  Honestly se

  For the past few years peace and trust has not come naturally for me. Crippling fear is what came natural. I knew truth, but my feelings took over and I began to believe God's goodness was for everyone but me. I began to believe every bit of news I would receive would be bad. This led me to living in constant fear and anxiety. I knew the truth that God would bring good, but after awhile in the valley the lies began to ring louder than the truth. The second I saw that POSITIVE pregnancy test there was nothing but peace that washed over me. Peace that my body would be ok despite the high chances of tumor growth pregnancy can bring. Peace over the little life inside me, that she would be healthy, and even more peace in the FACT that the Lord was knitting her together and that SHE BELONGS TO HIM. Even at 8 weeks when I had some bleeding there was peace that I hadn't experienced in a very long time. Pregnancy went better than we expected and I was actually in less pain than I wa

I've wanted to post a new blog for some time now but it has taken a lot of time to work through all the Lord is teaching me. To work through all the decisions we have to make. It is also really hard to be productive in a hard season of physical pain and loss of dreams. The season is still hard and the working and wrestling is still being done, but I wanted to share with you all some of what the Lord has been teaching me in hopes that by God's grace it may help someone else. "Father, I want a baby" "Daddy, please rid me of this disease." Lord, give me just one day of comfort and relief from pain." These are the things I have been praying. EVERYDAY. More than once a day. I once thought these things were valuable, but now I consider them worthless because of what Christ has done.   8  Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it a

I understand why, after losing many loved ones and his faith still did not falter, satan wanted to attack Job's flesh. I understand why the enemy thought it would work when complete and utter heartache did not. It has been a year since my surgery and it has been the hardest year if my life. Chronic pain is discouraging. It is hard especially because people think since it has been a year and I look okay, that I am okay. Truth is, this pain has been harder on me than the pain I was in before surgery. My entire body hurts every second of every day. I'm exhausted. Completely exhausted. My future of birthing babies biologically has been shaken as well. Because of all of this, I have been throw into depression and anxiety and wanting to isolate myself. This is not like me at all. The simplest tasks like going to the store for milk or washing a dish completely overwhelm me. I want to be home all the time and not be around most people. Not once in my life have a felt this hopeless.

My heart desires things that the Lord is not ready to give me in this season. My heart has been struggling and this morning the Lord comforted me. I am reading through 2 Corinthians and Proverbs. Today I read chapter 1 of 2 Corinthians which talks about the suffering we will encounter but how we will ABUNDANTLY share in God's comfort! I went on from there to read Proverbs 19, where verse 21 really hit me like a ton of bricks. " Many are the plans of a mans heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails." SHOOT DANG. My heart has been envious of others who are experiencing the blessing of having babies. My heart has also been prideful in the sense that I feel entitled. As if the Lord is taking something away from me or withholding something from me. This is simply a lie and the Lord is gently correcting my hearts posture and my prayer in this season. My prayer is that instead of moping and being filled with self pity I may use it to mature in Christ, securing and growi

It's been a little over 5 months since my surgery. I thought the surgery itself was going to be me getting out of the woods. But now, I feel I am still deep in the dark woods. My surgery changed my body. Chronic pain and disease have crushed my spirit and have made my thoughts a moment by moment battle. I can't be as active as I was even before surgery. Literally most days all but my forearms and hands hurt. Before surgery, I was very social. Now I want to do nothing. Literally nothing. Not even hang out with my closest friends. The thought of going into Wal-Mart for milk gives me severe anxiety. I can't be the friend or family member I want to be. I can't do the things I want to do. I should be studying for my alternative certification but I'm literally exhausted every second of the day and even getting out my study material gives me a full blown anxiety attack. I want to be a good mentor and light for Jesus, but I am so so tired. My heart feels crushed at the id