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I See The Evidence Of Your Goodness All Over My Life

 For the past few years peace and trust has not come naturally for me. Crippling fear is what came natural. I knew truth, but my feelings took over and I began to believe God's goodness was for everyone but me. I began to believe every bit of news I would receive would be bad. This led me to living in constant fear and anxiety. I knew the truth that God would bring good, but after awhile in the valley the lies began to ring louder than the truth.

The second I saw that POSITIVE pregnancy test there was nothing but peace that washed over me. Peace that my body would be ok despite the high chances of tumor growth pregnancy can bring. Peace over the little life inside me, that she would be healthy, and even more peace in the FACT that the Lord was knitting her together and that SHE BELONGS TO HIM. Even at 8 weeks when I had some bleeding there was peace that I hadn't experienced in a very long time.

Pregnancy went better than we expected and I was actually in less pain than I was before and am in now. Our Shiloh is here and is happy and healthy. She is showing little to no signs of having neurofibromatosis. I have so much peace when it comes to her because she belongs to the Lord and He loves her more than I ever could, which is A LOT!

Since having her I've had some aches and pains that are new and fear has definitely tried to creep in, but the peace and truth is louder than the lies and the fear. Even having to wait a month for my MRI results there was a peace in place where I would normally have been thrown into crippling fear and anxiety. This peace come from knowing that I will be MORE THAN OK regardless of the results because I belong to God. We got the good news that I HAD NO TUMOR GROWTH during my pregnancy! I have been crying tears of gratitude for 2 days now.

The past few years have been a long walk through the valleys, but my Shepherd was leading me to the mountaintop. And the coolest part of it all is that the evidence of Gods goodness is over all of it. His goodness is evident now with all the answered prayer, good news, and baby laughs, but it was also evident in the waiting, hurting, and deep deep sorrow.

In my hills and in my valleys God is so good, sweet, and near. In my hills and in my valleys I belong to Him and find joy and safety in the shadow of His wings. In my hills and in my valleys He sees me, He hears me, He mourns with me and He rejoices with me.

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