Skip to main content

Ask Me About The Thorn In My Flesh

I was diagnosed with a disease in November called Neurofibromatosis. I have tumors interwoven in my nerves in my right leg and a tiny one in my nerve in my left leg. They hurt and can cause my future children to be born with my disease as well. There are more details but that is the nutshell version. I had been crippled by fear from November until April 25 when I had victory over my constant fear of my disease for three months. Until about A week ago I was free from fear in this area of my life. As a P.E.T scan (which I have to get every six months) approached I fell back into fear. Literally, I fell on my kitchen floor and bawled my eyes out before Jesus. My hearts cry is that these tumors be taken away.

In the beginning of all this mess I was mad at God. I've never been mad at God for anything. In the beginning of all this mess my prayer was only God heal me completely here and now. But as time went on and I began to seek Jesus more, my heart towards my situation and my prayers changed. I was on my way to work one day and the Christian radio station I listen to does a segment called "tell me something good." It's usually along the lines of, "I was almost divorced and God redeemed my marriage," or "I was sick and God healed me." Today was different. They asked the lady who called in to tell them something good and she simply said, "I have cancer." They asked her, "So God healed you?" With which she replied, "nope." Everyone including me was confused. So they asked her to explain how this was good. She replied, "I have never had a bigger ministry for Jesus than I have in this season of my life."

WOW!!! I was blown away. From that moment forward my prayer changed from,"Daddy heal me," to Daddy, my hearts cry is to be completely healed here on earth, and if you heal me I will use it for your glory, but even more than that, your will be done and if you choose not to heal me and keep this thorn in my flesh than it's for your glory and ultimate good." This prayer helped me in my Victory over fear. God promised me good, not a lack of trial, but ULTIMATE GOOD.

This week has been rough. Fighting fear and lies of the enemy. Fighting my mis-trust of Jesus. Today in church God was faithful as He always is and spoke these words through my pastor. P.S. the verses he taught on were my memory verses last week! GOD IS SO COOL. Anyways, back to the words God spoke through Pastor Josh Lawrence:

The Gift of a Setback
Gift and Setback used in the same sentence? A gift refers to something positive...Setback refers to a difficult circumstance. We will get to how they go together in a minute. ;)
 The most natural response to a setback is anger, whether that be anger towards God, towards others or towards ourselves. For me my "setback" made me mad at God and myself because I thought that my sins are what brought this disease upon me and I was mad at God for allowing me to be sick after I feel like I have been through enough hardship in life.
The most un-natural response to a set back is seeing it as a gift.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 Says:
Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Vs. 7 says "in order" meaning there is a purpose for what Paul had gone through and was going to continue to go through. Paul continues in this verse to talk about a thorn was given to him in his flesh, The key word here is GIVEN. God, in His deep love for Paul GIVES him a thorn in his flesh. God deemed this thorn to be exactly what Paul needed. This thorn, IN THE LONG RUN WAS POSITIVE. Because of this setback/thorn, Paul was able to, and continues to touch a wide range of people for Gods Kingdom.

How did Paul respond to the thorn in his flesh?
Vs. 8 He PLEADED with God to take it away, to remove it. to with which God responded. Vs. 9 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.
This meant for Paul that the thorn/setback stays. That his thorn/setback is his new normal for awhile, or inevitably. But God also promised Paul that His grace is sufficient and will help him endure and press on through his thorn/setback. 
Paul, in his setback was in the very center of God's will.
Paul responds to God's response with " I will boast all the more gladly in my weaknesses so that Christ's power can work through me."
People were, are and will be impacted by Paul's thorn. 
Vs.10 "for when I am weak then I am strong"
Paul would not have been as influential with out his thorn, his thorn made him trust in God's grace and love all the more. 

Gods power is made perfect when amazing things happen through the setback/thorns in our lives. I believe many people will be changed through the literal thorn (tumor) in my flesh. I will choose daily to open up about my thorn and use my thorn for God's glory, that His power may work through me. Embrace the thorn rather than resent it. Embracing your setback is crucial to embracing the comeback. We have to admit that we need a power far greater than ourselves to get through out setbacks and thorns. There's a message from the enemy about our thorns and there is a message from God about our thorns, which are you going to choose to listen to?  We have NO IDEA what God may do if we say "Yes, I am choosing you Jesus, even in the pain of this thorn I am choosing you and to be used by you. I am choosing in this setback to listen to, walk with, and to trust in you."

I will continue to ask my Abba for healing, for my thorn in my flesh to be removed, but if His answer is no it is okay because His grace is sufficient for me.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

I Know You're With Me To The Very End

An update on our week in Houston for all who want to know: Y'all, this week has been bittersweet. If I am honest, I am still processing it all and I am struggling a little bit. Lets be real, I am struggling a lot. Anyways, let me just tell you the whole journey. About a month ago, I was laying on the floor, literally sobbing and asking my Abba "why?" Every doctor we had talked to had either turned me away or told me there was nothing more they could do for me. We had gotten no answers since I got diagnosed in 2015. Cameron shared with our friend, Steve Murphy, the dead end we had hit and how hopeless we felt after a service about feeling helpless. Steve, being our family in Christ immediately wanted to help and connected us with another man in our church, Leeland. Leeland selflessly spent hours of his time to research and found us a doctor at M.D. Anderson in Houston. Although there was a waiting list to get into Dr. Slopis, we got an appointment the day we were ...

Winning The War Over Our Sin

Sin. It gets us out of the Lords will and destroys us. The enemy uses it to break us down. He knows what we struggle with most and when we are at our lowest and he knows exactly when to attack. We receive the seeds of sin before we even realized we've received it. The enemy has designed sin to get us out of the will of God so we will never ever see the power and plan the Lord has for our lives. This sucks. What do we do? Sit around full of self pity, letting it happen? Just say "ahhh darn i'm too weak to overcome this" Think that we are too far gone to ever turn back to our Father? NO WE FIGHT. We continue to address our sin until we are free. We demand discipline in every aspect of our lives, that includes demanding discipline of those you spend your time with. We stand up against generational curses and say "No more! It stops with me!" We must WANT to be free to be free. When there is a sin that is strong and consistent in your life a...

God's Providence

1Thes 2:8 We loved you so much we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our own lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. I believe the Lord has done remarkable things in my life in order that I may share it with others for His glory...so here we go. The Lord's providence has been all over my whole life. And I mean my WHOLE life...but I'll start at age 8. When I was 8, my aunt and uncle so lovingly blessed me by sending me to Kanakuk a Christian athletic camp. That was the summer I first heard the Gospel. This was the same summer my two year old brother passed away. Divine providence one, I heard the Gospel, the promise that this life is not the end just a week or so before my precious brother went to be with the Lord. Thank the  Lord I had those promises to hold tight to in that dark time. The summer between 6th and 7th grade, my aunt and uncle again, obedient to the Lord's calling to love and pursue me offered to send me to a pri...