Skip to main content

Divinely Saved.

Written December 4, 2011

My heart literally hurts tonight. It is shattered. Broken for my loved ones.I see many people I care for so deeply hurting and lost, and I can literally feel the pain inside my heart. One part of me wants to yell at them telling them how selfish and stupid they are...but that is only because I know that hurt they are feeling or are going to feel because of their actions all too well and I would NEVER want them to have to feel that pain.I have felt the pain of death. I have felt distance and numbness from God. I have felt shame for my sins. I am FAR from perfect. I have and still do struggle with pride, selfishness, lust, jealousy, hypocrisy, fear...and probably many other things...I have been blinded from truth and have believed the lies of the enemy, but The loving Father has divinely saved me out of my death and failure, and blessed me with friends who hold me accountable. I have now seen that all these things lead to death and destruction. I know sometimes the best way to learn is from your own mistakes. And these events and mistakes in my life make me who I am today...but when people who love you confront you its because THEY LOVE YOU,  and don't want to see you fall, get hurt or get lost. This semester has been SO hard for me...my heart has been shattered in so many ways...but the past month I have been trying my HARDEST to give every aspect of my life to God...and I can say without a doubt that dying to my flesh, my desires, my fears, my plans is the best decision I have ever made and it makes me SICK it took 20 years of my life to do that. I still have a long way to go...I still struggle with A LOT...but I have a God who is BIGGER than all of this, a Father that wraps me in His arms and is changing my heart from day to day to be more like Him. So if I have EVER seemed hypocritical by the way I confronted you... I'm deeply sorry, but I promise it was out of love...deep deep love, I just don't want to see anyone I love feel the hurt of any of these things. My prayer for you sweet loved ones is that God opens your eyes to truth, and that the enemies lies will not be in your ears hearts or minds. If any of you would like to talk about my journey through all theses things and how I have grown and am still growing I would love to talk with you. I love you all with everything inside of me.

Comments

  1. AnnaApril 13, 2013 at 12:31 AM

    Thank you for sharing this!! You have a beautiful heart!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NOW THOSE ALTARS IN THE WILDERNESS TELL THE STORY OF HIS FAITHFULNESS

There have been seasons in my life that lasted way longer than I would have liked them too. After a long while I began to realize wishing those seasons away and turning to so many things but Jesus to make those seasons end was not working, but instead was making me bitter. My prayer in those seasons went from, "take this cup from me" to, "as long as it takes to get to a place of surrender I'm gonna stay right here." My hard times brought me to a place of fully surrendering fear and fully trusting Jesus, something I struggled severely with. Our sweet son was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis last week. I think if this had happened before those other hard seasons I would be totally crippled by fear right now. But I can honestly say that I'm not fearful of what this diagnosis might bring, sad yes, but not afraid.  I used to always expect the worst. Expect whatever came next to be something that once again would bring bad news. This time, although it...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Know You're With Me To The Very End

An update on our week in Houston for all who want to know: Y'all, this week has been bittersweet. If I am honest, I am still processing it all and I am struggling a little bit. Lets be real, I am struggling a lot. Anyways, let me just tell you the whole journey. About a month ago, I was laying on the floor, literally sobbing and asking my Abba "why?" Every doctor we had talked to had either turned me away or told me there was nothing more they could do for me. We had gotten no answers since I got diagnosed in 2015. Cameron shared with our friend, Steve Murphy, the dead end we had hit and how hopeless we felt after a service about feeling helpless. Steve, being our family in Christ immediately wanted to help and connected us with another man in our church, Leeland. Leeland selflessly spent hours of his time to research and found us a doctor at M.D. Anderson in Houston. Although there was a waiting list to get into Dr. Slopis, we got an appointment the day we were ...
3 comments
Read more

Ministry Isn't Easy

Exodus 4:10 But Moses pleaded with the LORD, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Sometimes we don't feel good enough to do what God has called us to do. And sometimes we use that as an excuse to get out of it because we give into fear. At least that's how it's been for me.  Initially when the Lord called me to start London Square Children’s Ministry my argument was, I'm not good at leading and organizing.  I can jump in and help someone else who is leading and organizing but I can't start up a Ministry and lead it. I'm not good at that. And although that is true, it's not my strong suit, He equipped me to do it. And much fruit came from it.  Then covid hit and I got pregnant.  A long season away from the Ministry for the safety of myself and my baby. But I think that safety from a virus turned into safety of my time and energy.  Honestly se...
Post a Comment
Read more