Skip to main content

Divinely Saved.

Written December 4, 2011

My heart literally hurts tonight. It is shattered. Broken for my loved ones.I see many people I care for so deeply hurting and lost, and I can literally feel the pain inside my heart. One part of me wants to yell at them telling them how selfish and stupid they are...but that is only because I know that hurt they are feeling or are going to feel because of their actions all too well and I would NEVER want them to have to feel that pain.I have felt the pain of death. I have felt distance and numbness from God. I have felt shame for my sins. I am FAR from perfect. I have and still do struggle with pride, selfishness, lust, jealousy, hypocrisy, fear...and probably many other things...I have been blinded from truth and have believed the lies of the enemy, but The loving Father has divinely saved me out of my death and failure, and blessed me with friends who hold me accountable. I have now seen that all these things lead to death and destruction. I know sometimes the best way to learn is from your own mistakes. And these events and mistakes in my life make me who I am today...but when people who love you confront you its because THEY LOVE YOU,  and don't want to see you fall, get hurt or get lost. This semester has been SO hard for me...my heart has been shattered in so many ways...but the past month I have been trying my HARDEST to give every aspect of my life to God...and I can say without a doubt that dying to my flesh, my desires, my fears, my plans is the best decision I have ever made and it makes me SICK it took 20 years of my life to do that. I still have a long way to go...I still struggle with A LOT...but I have a God who is BIGGER than all of this, a Father that wraps me in His arms and is changing my heart from day to day to be more like Him. So if I have EVER seemed hypocritical by the way I confronted you... I'm deeply sorry, but I promise it was out of love...deep deep love, I just don't want to see anyone I love feel the hurt of any of these things. My prayer for you sweet loved ones is that God opens your eyes to truth, and that the enemies lies will not be in your ears hearts or minds. If any of you would like to talk about my journey through all theses things and how I have grown and am still growing I would love to talk with you. I love you all with everything inside of me.

Comments

  1. AnnaApril 13, 2013 at 12:31 AM

    Thank you for sharing this!! You have a beautiful heart!

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

I Know You're With Me To The Very End

An update on our week in Houston for all who want to know: Y'all, this week has been bittersweet. If I am honest, I am still processing it all and I am struggling a little bit. Lets be real, I am struggling a lot. Anyways, let me just tell you the whole journey. About a month ago, I was laying on the floor, literally sobbing and asking my Abba "why?" Every doctor we had talked to had either turned me away or told me there was nothing more they could do for me. We had gotten no answers since I got diagnosed in 2015. Cameron shared with our friend, Steve Murphy, the dead end we had hit and how hopeless we felt after a service about feeling helpless. Steve, being our family in Christ immediately wanted to help and connected us with another man in our church, Leeland. Leeland selflessly spent hours of his time to research and found us a doctor at M.D. Anderson in Houston. Although there was a waiting list to get into Dr. Slopis, we got an appointment the day we were ...
3 comments
Read more

Winning The War Over Our Sin

Sin. It gets us out of the Lords will and destroys us. The enemy uses it to break us down. He knows what we struggle with most and when we are at our lowest and he knows exactly when to attack. We receive the seeds of sin before we even realized we've received it. The enemy has designed sin to get us out of the will of God so we will never ever see the power and plan the Lord has for our lives. This sucks. What do we do? Sit around full of self pity, letting it happen? Just say "ahhh darn i'm too weak to overcome this" Think that we are too far gone to ever turn back to our Father? NO WE FIGHT. We continue to address our sin until we are free. We demand discipline in every aspect of our lives, that includes demanding discipline of those you spend your time with. We stand up against generational curses and say "No more! It stops with me!" We must WANT to be free to be free. When there is a sin that is strong and consistent in your life a...
4 comments
Read more

God's Providence

1Thes 2:8 We loved you so much we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our own lives as well, because you had become so dear to us. I believe the Lord has done remarkable things in my life in order that I may share it with others for His glory...so here we go. The Lord's providence has been all over my whole life. And I mean my WHOLE life...but I'll start at age 8. When I was 8, my aunt and uncle so lovingly blessed me by sending me to Kanakuk a Christian athletic camp. That was the summer I first heard the Gospel. This was the same summer my two year old brother passed away. Divine providence one, I heard the Gospel, the promise that this life is not the end just a week or so before my precious brother went to be with the Lord. Thank the  Lord I had those promises to hold tight to in that dark time. The summer between 6th and 7th grade, my aunt and uncle again, obedient to the Lord's calling to love and pursue me offered to send me to a pri...
3 comments
Read more