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Divinely Saved.

Written December 4, 2011

My heart literally hurts tonight. It is shattered. Broken for my loved ones.I see many people I care for so deeply hurting and lost, and I can literally feel the pain inside my heart. One part of me wants to yell at them telling them how selfish and stupid they are...but that is only because I know that hurt they are feeling or are going to feel because of their actions all too well and I would NEVER want them to have to feel that pain.I have felt the pain of death. I have felt distance and numbness from God. I have felt shame for my sins. I am FAR from perfect. I have and still do struggle with pride, selfishness, lust, jealousy, hypocrisy, fear...and probably many other things...I have been blinded from truth and have believed the lies of the enemy, but The loving Father has divinely saved me out of my death and failure, and blessed me with friends who hold me accountable. I have now seen that all these things lead to death and destruction. I know sometimes the best way to learn is from your own mistakes. And these events and mistakes in my life make me who I am today...but when people who love you confront you its because THEY LOVE YOU,  and don't want to see you fall, get hurt or get lost. This semester has been SO hard for me...my heart has been shattered in so many ways...but the past month I have been trying my HARDEST to give every aspect of my life to God...and I can say without a doubt that dying to my flesh, my desires, my fears, my plans is the best decision I have ever made and it makes me SICK it took 20 years of my life to do that. I still have a long way to go...I still struggle with A LOT...but I have a God who is BIGGER than all of this, a Father that wraps me in His arms and is changing my heart from day to day to be more like Him. So if I have EVER seemed hypocritical by the way I confronted you... I'm deeply sorry, but I promise it was out of love...deep deep love, I just don't want to see anyone I love feel the hurt of any of these things. My prayer for you sweet loved ones is that God opens your eyes to truth, and that the enemies lies will not be in your ears hearts or minds. If any of you would like to talk about my journey through all theses things and how I have grown and am still growing I would love to talk with you. I love you all with everything inside of me.

Comments

  1. AnnaApril 13, 2013 at 12:31 AM

    Thank you for sharing this!! You have a beautiful heart!

    ReplyDelete

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