Skip to main content

Jealousy is the Ugliest Trait.

So....
HUGE STRUGGLE.

Jealousy.
It's not a pretty thing. It consumes your thoughts, heart, emotions, self-esteem and worst of all puts hatred in your hear for others...especially the ones you are closest to.

Now my first encounter with this disgusting sin that I can remember and took its toll on all the above was in high-school within my youth group. It involved a girl who I considered a dear friend. She IS pretty, talented, loving and many people look up to her and want to be around her. Instead of seeing all the Lord gifted me with, I was too busy looking and wanting to be her. Needless to say the relationship was broken by ugliness and hate and years of friendship were lost. The struggle did not end with the friendship. The jealousy continued and so did the hatred in my heart. For years, there was no forgiveness, just bitterness.

Here years after, I am much more confident in who I am. But that silly little sin still has a grip on me. I look around at my dearest friends and wish I had the time, talents, boldness, maturity etc that they have...and once again my heart begins to get hateful and nasty in my thoughts, actions and words towards them. All because of envy.

This is so silly because in my heart of hearts I know all the business I'm involved in, all the abilities the Lord has given me and my tender heart are all for the Lord's glory. My classes, my work, my time with my girls I pour into and my time with others who pour into me, although fill up all my time are seriously MY BIGGEST JOY AND BLESSINGS! (well school is a blessing...I wouldn't call it a joy lol) The Lord has put all this stuff in my life for a reason and has given me the gifts to succeed. So I know I need to be more thankful!

 AND JUST FOR EVERYONE WHO DOSN'T ALREADY KNOW....
GOD IS GOOD...
AND GRACIOUS...
AND BREAKS CHAINS...
AND MENDS RELATIONSHIPS.

How do I know this you ask?
Well the relationship from the first paragraph after four years was mended....and mended beautifully I may add...and as we both said out loud that it was so silly that all that happened and that we can see now the friendship could have been awesome...I'm thankful for that experience to see the Lords gracious mending hand over our friendship. DANG HE'S AWESOME.


Resentment kills a fool, and envy slays the simple.
Job 5:1-3 
A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones.
Proverbs 14:29-31 
Let us not become conceited, provoking and envying each other.
Galatians 5:25-26
For where you have envy and selfish ambition, there you find disorder and every evil practice.
James 3:15-17 
Therefore, rid yourselves of all malice and all deceit, hypocrisy, envy, and slander of every kind.
1 Peter 2:1-3



Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NOW THOSE ALTARS IN THE WILDERNESS TELL THE STORY OF HIS FAITHFULNESS

There have been seasons in my life that lasted way longer than I would have liked them too. After a long while I began to realize wishing those seasons away and turning to so many things but Jesus to make those seasons end was not working, but instead was making me bitter. My prayer in those seasons went from, "take this cup from me" to, "as long as it takes to get to a place of surrender I'm gonna stay right here." My hard times brought me to a place of fully surrendering fear and fully trusting Jesus, something I struggled severely with. Our sweet son was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis last week. I think if this had happened before those other hard seasons I would be totally crippled by fear right now. But I can honestly say that I'm not fearful of what this diagnosis might bring, sad yes, but not afraid.  I used to always expect the worst. Expect whatever came next to be something that once again would bring bad news. This time, although it...
Post a Comment
Read more

Ministry Isn't Easy

Exodus 4:10 But Moses pleaded with the LORD, “O Lord, I’m not very good with words. I never have been, and I’m not now, even though you have spoken to me. I get tongue-tied, and my words get tangled.” Sometimes we don't feel good enough to do what God has called us to do. And sometimes we use that as an excuse to get out of it because we give into fear. At least that's how it's been for me.  Initially when the Lord called me to start London Square Children’s Ministry my argument was, I'm not good at leading and organizing.  I can jump in and help someone else who is leading and organizing but I can't start up a Ministry and lead it. I'm not good at that. And although that is true, it's not my strong suit, He equipped me to do it. And much fruit came from it.  Then covid hit and I got pregnant.  A long season away from the Ministry for the safety of myself and my baby. But I think that safety from a virus turned into safety of my time and energy.  Honestly se...
Post a Comment
Read more

Vulnerability

It's been a little over 5 months since my surgery. I thought the surgery itself was going to be me getting out of the woods. But now, I feel I am still deep in the dark woods. My surgery changed my body. Chronic pain and disease have crushed my spirit and have made my thoughts a moment by moment battle. I can't be as active as I was even before surgery. Literally most days all but my forearms and hands hurt. Before surgery, I was very social. Now I want to do nothing. Literally nothing. Not even hang out with my closest friends. The thought of going into Wal-Mart for milk gives me severe anxiety. I can't be the friend or family member I want to be. I can't do the things I want to do. I should be studying for my alternative certification but I'm literally exhausted every second of the day and even getting out my study material gives me a full blown anxiety attack. I want to be a good mentor and light for Jesus, but I am so so tired. My heart feels crushed at the id...
1 comment
Read more