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Loneliness is a Struggle

You know, I can go awhile with being alone, but a whole day alone i cannot do. When I am alone to long, thoughts consume me, and not the kind of thoughts anyone would want their head to be filled with. Memories of my hardest days come when I am alone. The day when I lost my brother, the day I lost my best friend, the day my heart was shattered by the boy I thought I would be with forever, the boy who knew me better than anyone, thoughts of the day I was asked to leave somewhere I loved and had made huge sacrifices for, thoughts of my past mistakes, lies from the enemy telling me that these things happened because I am not worth it, that I have nothing to offer, that I will never ever overcome my hurts habits and hangups. These are the things that fill my head when I am alone for too long. The enemy knows that I am most vulnerable when I am alone, and that is when he attacks.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT

The enemy is under Christ's feet and I am made free as a child of the Lord. But I have to choose to be freed and I am not really sure if I am choosing that. Why on earth would I hold tightly to these things that hurt me you ask? Well...I do not know. But I am daily going to ask the Lord to help me let go of all these lies and manipulations so that I can better love, grow and be filled with joy. I know I am not alone in this fight and I can never be thankful enough for those who have listened to my struggles, loved me through them and cried because my heart was broken. I am blessed, so I am going to start acting like it.

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