Skip to main content

Loneliness is a Struggle

You know, I can go awhile with being alone, but a whole day alone i cannot do. When I am alone to long, thoughts consume me, and not the kind of thoughts anyone would want their head to be filled with. Memories of my hardest days come when I am alone. The day when I lost my brother, the day I lost my best friend, the day my heart was shattered by the boy I thought I would be with forever, the boy who knew me better than anyone, thoughts of the day I was asked to leave somewhere I loved and had made huge sacrifices for, thoughts of my past mistakes, lies from the enemy telling me that these things happened because I am not worth it, that I have nothing to offer, that I will never ever overcome my hurts habits and hangups. These are the things that fill my head when I am alone for too long. The enemy knows that I am most vulnerable when I am alone, and that is when he attacks.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT

The enemy is under Christ's feet and I am made free as a child of the Lord. But I have to choose to be freed and I am not really sure if I am choosing that. Why on earth would I hold tightly to these things that hurt me you ask? Well...I do not know. But I am daily going to ask the Lord to help me let go of all these lies and manipulations so that I can better love, grow and be filled with joy. I know I am not alone in this fight and I can never be thankful enough for those who have listened to my struggles, loved me through them and cried because my heart was broken. I am blessed, so I am going to start acting like it.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

NOW THOSE ALTARS IN THE WILDERNESS TELL THE STORY OF HIS FAITHFULNESS

There have been seasons in my life that lasted way longer than I would have liked them too. After a long while I began to realize wishing those seasons away and turning to so many things but Jesus to make those seasons end was not working, but instead was making me bitter. My prayer in those seasons went from, "take this cup from me" to, "as long as it takes to get to a place of surrender I'm gonna stay right here." My hard times brought me to a place of fully surrendering fear and fully trusting Jesus, something I struggled severely with. Our sweet son was diagnosed with neurofibromatosis last week. I think if this had happened before those other hard seasons I would be totally crippled by fear right now. But I can honestly say that I'm not fearful of what this diagnosis might bring, sad yes, but not afraid.  I used to always expect the worst. Expect whatever came next to be something that once again would bring bad news. This time, although it...
Post a Comment
Read more

Jealousy is the Ugliest Trait.

So.... HUGE STRUGGLE. Jealousy. It's not a pretty thing. It consumes your thoughts, heart, emotions, self-esteem and worst of all puts hatred in your hear for others...especially the ones you are closest to. Now my first encounter with this disgusting sin that I can remember and took its toll on all the above was in high-school within my youth group. It involved a girl who I considered a dear friend. She IS pretty, talented, loving and many people look up to her and want to be around her. Instead of seeing all the Lord gifted me with, I was too busy looking and wanting to be her. Needless to say the relationship was broken by ugliness and hate and years of friendship were lost. The struggle did not end with the friendship. The jealousy continued and so did the hatred in my heart. For years, there was no forgiveness, just bitterness. Here years after, I am much more confident in who I am. But that silly little sin still has a grip on me. I look around at my dearest friends a...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Desire to Know Jesus and be Like Him Above All. I Choose to Believe His Plans are Good.

My heart desires things that the Lord is not ready to give me in this season. My heart has been struggling and this morning the Lord comforted me. I am reading through 2 Corinthians and Proverbs. Today I read chapter 1 of 2 Corinthians which talks about the suffering we will encounter but how we will ABUNDANTLY share in God's comfort! I went on from there to read Proverbs 19, where verse 21 really hit me like a ton of bricks. " Many are the plans of a mans heart, but it is the Lords purpose that prevails." SHOOT DANG. My heart has been envious of others who are experiencing the blessing of having babies. My heart has also been prideful in the sense that I feel entitled. As if the Lord is taking something away from me or withholding something from me. This is simply a lie and the Lord is gently correcting my hearts posture and my prayer in this season. My prayer is that instead of moping and being filled with self pity I may use it to mature in Christ, securing and growi...
Post a Comment
Read more